Shelby..

He was so excited when I told him that Aaron and myself will be going to London for a few days. And this will be our first ever meeting since we have chatted, so I was really eager to see him.

It was Sunday and the plan for us to meet was all set, it was 12 noon and Shelby is right on time waiting for us at the hotel lobby. I was so astonished because he look so different from the web cam. We shook hands and hugged and went out.

Before we started the tour, I told Shelby that Aaron has a back problem and that he find it a bit hard if we walk too much. So Shelby suggested that we should take the bus as we need not walk and at the same time we can have a better view of London.

We went to St Paul's Cathedral, Trafalgar Square, The Speakers Corner and our last stop was at Quebec a gay bar to have some drinks. Shelby had to cut the tour short as he had to rush off to do some errands, but it was okay. It was good enough that he had shown us a lot of places in just a short time and I was blown away by his knowledge of history he has.. OH MY GOD!!!..

So when he decided to go, me and Shelby gave each other a huge hug and that I promised him I'll come again to see him and also his boyfriend. We said our goodbye's and he left. I'm so gonna live up to that promise and maybe next time I'll go there alone since I've known someone there so I guess it would not be much of a problem and perhaps it might be more interesting.

Overall the trip was fine and good as I know more or less about the places in London. But there are some stuff that I'm quite unhappy about. For instance, when we were at St Paul's Cathedral, we were inside and Shelby was talking about the dome and the Neo-Gothic design of the whole cathedral. He then said something about the dome that is bigger than the one they had in Italy or something and then Aaron suddenly started to object to that conclusion saying that the one that they had in Italy is bigger. I mean, that is so Aaron, he sometimes thinks that he is so knowledgeable that he knows a lot of things. I have no say because Shelby was a graduate in Architecture so my guess is that he knows more in depth and better than Aaron's knowledge about dome's.

But during the trip I kinda have the feeling that Shelby was quite uneasy with Aaron's question about a lot of places that we passed by and I can say that sometimes the way Aaron projects his questions and opinions are sometimes I should say a bit hurting for someone who does not know him. He does not have that intention but he does not realise that and I'll be the one who have to tell him that to actually make him realise it. So that's what I felt during the trip with Shelby.

But whatever it is, at the end of the day we enjoyed ourselves and we had a blast. Can't wait to meet up with Shelby again.

Chao!!

Hamilton...

Hamilton was Erick's ex-boyfriend but they are still in good terms with each other and also a good friend of Aaron. He is now living in London, having a very hectic job but it seems that he's enjoying it very much.

Aaron decided to meet up with him for dinner when we were there for a short trip. He was nice, has a very nicely build body as he frequently goes to the gym and he said that the gym was like his second home and for sure many guys would love to get to know him. First we were at a bar having a drink and talking and laughing having a good time. After that we decided to have dinner at a restaurant nearby. The restaurant was nice, had good food and everything was perfect.

So as we were eating and talking at the same time, Aaron as usual has a lot of things to say and began commenting about things, well nothing new there. Hamilton started talking about our opinions and feeling about the late Micheal Jackson and was telling us that he has a friend who has a shrine of MJ at home and how devastated he was when he got to know that MJ had passed away. Well, sometimes I think that those people who posses a gift and whereby a lot of people look up to always go first. May it be that they die in a tragic death or not, if its time for them to go, they have to go and a lot of people will only realise how important they are until they are gone. That's life I guess....

Then Hamilton started talking about how frequent he goes to the gym how he is kinda living a healthy life and he has this small device which he keeps it in his pocket and has it with him everywhere he goes. It is like some kind of a repelling bad energy or aura so that you will always have good energy around you or with you I should say. It is something I've never seen before and a bit weird I guess. But if he believes in having good energy around him all the time and if it works for him, then I guess it ok. For me, what I think is that I drive my own energy and that I don't need a device to tell me how much energy I need or getting from the surrounding, but that is my opinion.

Hamilton has this weird laugh, if you see how he laugh you will think that he's faking the laugh or laughing for the sake of laughing just to make you feel happy. But as I found out, that is just how he laugh, it may look fake but that is how he laugh. Maybe due to the cause of the botox injection he had in his lips.hahaha!!

But overall, it was a very wonderful evening with him sharing opinions and views with each other. Even though he talks a bit weird but its fine.

And it was nice of Aaron to let me meet his friend, cheers to him for that. So when we were heading out way back to the hotel, Aaron asked for my opinion about Hamilton, I told him that he was okay a very nice person to talk to and he was glad that I enjoyed the evening with him.

Sometimes when Aaron and myself have these little happy moments, I really do appreciate the things he try to do for me and its not that I asked for it, he'll do it to make me happy and I'm glad about that even though I told him not to do so. And with these small little happy moments I really do forget the negativity that we sometimes have and it makes me looking forward to be with him another day.

Chao!..

Erick...

Erick was an old friend of Aaron, they have known each other for more than 10 years. they were lovers at first but then something happened and now Aaron sees him as a brother more than a friend. He now runs a successful business and a very good painter and I "sooo" look up to him. So I have no problems about that because at first I thought that they have a very special bond which I really appreciate. So I was looking forward to meet him and get to know him as a friend. Well, I guess not for him huh!!..

Aaron has been talking a lot about him, telling me about the thing they had in the past and how well Erick has become today and how proud he was towards Erick. So it was very inspiring when I hear stories about him. But there was one particular time when Aaron starts to compare me with Erick. And damm was I pissed about that, because I never like being compared to other people as I've never compare anyone to anyone in my life before. At first I took it as a motivation kind of a thing, but the more he talks about Erick the more I get pissed off. But I just kept quiet thinking that he might be right.

Then he began telling me how Erick calls him frequently when he's bored at home complaining that he has no one to see or meet and he was feeling down. When he told me that, I asked him how frequent does Erick calls him. So it seems that Erick will frequently call Aaron when he is bored and has no one to talk to, so in a sense he took Aaron like a so called "last-resort" to a person to talk to when he has no one else. That made me feel very uneasy but the thing is that, I for now have no say because they know each other longer than I know Aaron so at that point of time, I decided to just shut up.

Sometimes Aaron would tell me how sad he feels for Erick when he is alone and he will try to cheer Erick up. I mean that is Aaron's behaviour, he will try his best to cheer all his friends when they are down. But the thing that I'm not happy about is that, I mean from my perspective, Erick knows very well how much Aaron feels towards him and sometimes I think he's using Aaron's sympathy towards him so that he can get some attention I should say. I'm sorry but I don't want to be mean or bitchy about this but that is how I feel towards this guy. If he could not get attention from other people, he'll try to get it from Aaron.

You must be wondering why I dislike Erick so much, let me tell you. Remember when I say that I was looking forward to meet him after hearing all the stories about him, yes!... So there was one time me and Aaron went to his place to stay for the night. I was really excited to meet him of course but as it turns out, I did not expect that it turn out differently. To me first impression is a very important thing, with all his other friends, they were nice and polite and that made me feel welcome. But the first time I met Erick, oh was he really something. No smile nothing, just a handshake and then he's off to bed, not even a single word. NOTHING!! When he did that, I already know that it was not a good sign.

I've talked to Aaron about this but it seems that Aaron is a bit protective towards Erick and he'll always say that Erick is always like that and that I should ignore his behaviour. And if I were to say something about Erick, he'll pretend not to hear or the worst...changing the subject!. I mean, which boyfriend is not pissed off when his other half is treated like a rebound and the fact that he does not realise that. Aaron told me that Erick is a bit jealous of him when he has a new boyfriend and he will never ask Aaron about them or getting to know more about them. What does that show?... You tell me. My feeling is that Erick sometimes regret letting Aaron go and that now for sure he knows very well that he can never get him back. Sometimes I wish that I could just tell him straight to the face to just grow up and stop being an ass.

Both of them have this weird "Brotherly" bond which both of them share with each other and my guess is that I'll never understand. I'm not jealous or what so ever but the relationship that they have is so weird and a bit dumb. On one hand, there is a guy who seeks attention from almost everyone and if he does not get it, he knows for sure that there is one person who will give him just that and on the other hand, there is a guy who really appreciate the bond so much that he sometimes does not think.

That's why I've come to a conclusion that I'll pretend to ignore and just "respect" the bond that they have as long as it does not interfere with my relationship with Aaron. He can boast all he wants about Erick but I'll have my comments and opinions about him and I'll keep it to myself.

I'll try my best to be friends with him but if he thinks that he does not want to do so, well I'm fine with that as I do not gain anything nor did I loose anything. But one thing is for sure, this situation actually gives me the drive to be a better person and to treat everyone equally regardless of how they are.

So, love the people who love you and try to be fair to the rest.

Chao!!

Aaron..

Aaron was the best thing that happened to my life, we met through the Internet and chatted for a couple of months before we actually met. So during the period of "chatting" I should say, we get to know more about each other so to avoid any feeling of awkwardness when we meet.

For the past two years that we have been together, there were ups and downs as like any other kind of relationship that normal people have. But what I should say is that, within the 2 years that we have been together, I've learnt a lot from him and know what to expect from his behaviour and so forth. With him, I got to meet his friends and seeing things through his eyes like an example; being always curious about anything which I have never done before. Because before I met him, I'm a very sensitive person as I'm always careful of what I'm going to say so as to avoid people or myself getting hurt.

For the first few meetings with Aaron was fine and lovely, everything was smooth as you know its called the "Honeymoon period".... But as time passed by, what I should say at this point is that when you know your other half so much in a short period of time, things can sometimes get a bit rough here and there and thus makes things sometimes a bit complicated.

Because when Aaron and myself are not staying together, we will chat on Msn almost every day, so that's where we keep in touch with each other without paying overseas calls on our mobile. So when we chat there are sometimes which he will irritates me a lot when I'm talking to him and his mind will wonder somewhere else and not listen. So if I questioned him about that, he will not admit, I mean I should expect that from him huh... So if I do the same, he thinks that I'm not being nice to him and stuff, but in actual fact I just want him to feel what it feels like being ignored that's all. Sometimes he gets nervous for nothing and then all hell breaks loose and he'll drag me into it when that happens, rushing and forgetting something, really hate it when that happen.

And he will always have his opinions about something which I should say sometimes are not nice ones and he'll always give a comment on everything. At first I was ok with everything because I know very well that people are open to their views and opinions about things and they have a say in whatever they want. But the longer it get, the more frustrated I get about it because he just want to say something about everything and that can sometimes get a bit annoying. One day as he was talking about something and commenting as usual, I suddenly came to a point that I had it, I guess I have to tell him and "oh boy" was it a nice thing to do. I told him that I know he is very curious about everything around him and so on but there is a line where he has to stop asking or as I should say commenting about things. Because if to him that everything is always wrong or improper and if he say those thing to the wrong person who is not acceptable of his thoughts, I should say that he can get himself in trouble for doing that. When I told him that, he just kept quiet and told me that I was right in a very sarcastic way. I told him if he wants to listen to my advice he can but if he choose not to, he can do that to but I told him that he have to be careful when he say things around people. I mean its up to him, I'm not forcing him to change but my guess is that it will make him a better person if he do so.

So I guess I have to be patient and understand him as I know that it is really hard for him to do the same as he had been behaving in that way for most of his life.

I'm not complaining or what so ever but what I learnt from this is that, the person that you choose to love sometimes have these imperfect qualities that some people don't want to find in their partner but for me what I see through these imperfections are unique and perfect which I think sometimes makes me want to stay another day with him. Regardless of how many arguements we have, we tend to let it pass by and move on to the next because we know that we can make things work and that these small waves that we have just makes us even more closer.

Love you Aaron!!

Don't know how to begin..........

Hi there!! Let me first introduce myself, my name is Markus Evan. You can call me Markus, I'm sorry if my blog is a bit lame but its just that this is my first time doing something like this, so I would like to apologise if there is any errors or what so ever.

(EeHmmm!!)... My age is 25 years old, born in Asia and raised by strict and conservative parents so its a bit hard for me to express myself, I meant my true self. You must be wondering what I mean by expressing my true self, well actually since I was in my teen years I've always like mature guys. At first I thought that it was just a phase of my teen life and that I'll pass it, but it seems that the more I ignore it, the more and more I like them. So finally one day I made it clear to myself that I'm a gay man...

It was pretty hard growing up knowing that you are totally different from your friends and the worst part is that you can tell no one about it and all you can do is to keep it to yourself its like as if you are keeping a big dark and huge secret that if it leaks out, it will totally be the end of the world for you. As for my family and relatives, they are very conservative people and for sure they would object to know about my true self. What about friends you say?.. Well, most of my childhood friends and the ones that I have now have no idea and not even close to know that I'm gay. As you can say that I'm a straight acting gay man who is totally in the closet. Like totally!! But luckily thanks to the wonders of modern technology and Internet, I began to find myself and learn more about the gay culture. And thanks to that also that I got to meet my other half.

My boyfriend whom I met two years ago is older than me, his name is Aaron aged 56 and living in Europe. He was the best thing that happened in my life. We are currently not living together at the moment but for the time being maybe twice a year I will visit him and spend some time with him at his place or he'll come over to asia.

I know my story is like the typical straight acting gay man in the closet and of course i know that I'm not alone out there, but the reason for me to write this blog is to express my feelings that I've been keeping for the past few years and that I find this is the only way I can let things out without hurting anyone by using different names and so on.

So this is only the beginning, it is like an ice-breaker you can say so that you know more or less about me. Will tell you more on the next post, thats it for now!!

Chao!!